Friends

There's this saying that says - you won't know that your friends are really your true friends until you come to a point in that relationship where you both come into a huge disagreement / an argument. Because just then you will realised each other's true colours. And when that time happens, there are 2 things that can take place:
1) They will leave you - just because they've seen your flaws and they just don't see themselves accepting that part of you
2) They will stick by you - because you are worth being friend with no matter how ugly your flaws are.

I realised that I've made quite a number of close friends this year. Close enough that you can almost call them your bestfriends. Those friends that you spend almost 24/7 with, those who you laugh and cry with, whom you can easily confide in, whether its small disgusting / big personal matters. Those friends that you put first before you - sampai sanggup tane melupakan susah2 tane asal dorang tane dulukan, because we know they would do the same to you to.

I feel that I am beginning to question myself about this. It seems like my close friends are drifting apart from me and it scares the eff out of me. Truthfully, I feel abandoned. At first I thought it was just coming from me alone, my insecurity get the best of me. I supposed it's because I've lost a really dear good friend once. And ever since that, I started to feel insecure and fear that my other close friends are going to leave me too. I'm not naive. I am aware that my friends have their own lives to live too, they won't be there with you all the time. Long after, they will forget about you. That's just it. I thought that close or best friends don't simply forget each other, just like that, no matter how busy you are. You stick by each other. You don't need them to physically be with you 24/7, but at least you're in their thoughts.

Or maybe I am just too selfish to want the same amount of commitment as I give to my friends. Not all people are like you afterall, sanggup bekarih2 kan susah payah for your friends. Not all people can give that much amount of sacrifices.

Or maybe I am the culprit here, pushing everyone away from me. Because I feel that I've been doing that a lot lately.

One thing for sure that I know of. I love my friends. Even if they don't love as much and as equally as I do.