Just in case...

So you decided to see me out of the blue,

should i let you come over?

i think you're doing fine..

that girl in your arms does she know where you come from?

Almost made me move out of town,

you don't want me to be around, i stayed anyway,

just in case...

finding reasons to hate you more than before

like how you said, you would call

but never at all..got rid off your number that i know by heart...

you left your things at my place,

as if i have all the space,cause you know i dont mind

just come back when you think its time..

i'm all black and white inside,

monotonous from left to right

i decorate my house with things you love

just in case, you show up..

in case you show up.

Yuna, Decorate

Total eclipse of the heart

Turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit lonely
And you're never coming round
Turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit tired
of listening to the sound of my tears
Turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit nervous
that the best of all the years have gone by
Turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit terrified
and then I see the look in your eyes

Turn around bright eyes
Every now and then I fall apart
Turn around bright eyes
Every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
(all of the time)

I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
(Forever's gonna start tonight)

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart

Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

A Piece of Note for Him

Hawa,

Andai engkau masih remaja… Jadilah anak yang solehah buat kedua ibu bapamu, Andai engkau sudah bersuami… Jadilah isteri yang meringankan beban suamimu, Andai engkau masih ibu… didiklah anakmu sehingga dia tidak gentar memperjuangkan ad-din Allah!

Hawa,

Andai engkau belum berkahwin jangan kau risau jodohmu. Ingatlah Hawa janji Tuhan kita…

“Wanita yang baik adalah untuk lelaki yang baik.”

Jangan dimulakan sebuah pertemuan dengan lelaki yang bukan muhrim kerana aku khuatir dari mata jatuh ke hati, maka lahirnya senyuman maka tercetusnya salam dan sekaligus disususli dengan pertemuan… takut lahirnya nafsu kejahatan yang menguasai diri.

Hawa,

Lelaki yang baik tidak melihat paras rupa. Tidak memilih wanita melalui keseksiannnya, tidak menilai wanita melalui keayuannya, kemanjaannya serta kemampuannya mengoncang iman lelaki.

Tetapi lelaki yang baik akan menilai wanita melalui akhlaknya, peribadinya dan yang penting pegangan agamanya. Lelaki yang baik tidak menginginkan pertemuan dengan wanita yang bukan muhrimnya kerana dia takut memberi kesempatan kepada syaitan untuk mengodanya. Lelaki yang baik tidak mahu bermain cinta kerana dia tahu apa matlamat dalam sebuah pertemuan lelaki dan wanita yakni sebuah perkahwinan.

Oleh itu Hawa,

Jagalah pandanganmu, awasilah auratmu, peliharalah akhlakmu, kuatkan pendirianmu. Andai ditakdirkan tiada cinta daripada Adam untukmu, cukuplah hanya cinta Allah memenuhi dan menyinari kekosongna jiwamu, biarlah hanya cinta daripada kedua ibu bapamu yang memberi hangatan kebahagiaan buat dirimu, cukuplah sekadar cinta adik- beradik serta keluarga yang membahagiakan dirimu.

Hawa,

Cintailah Allah di kala susah dan senang kerana kau akan memperolehi cinta daripada insan yang juga menyintai Allah. Cintailah kedua ibu bapamu kerana kau akan perolehi keredhaan Allah. Cintailah keluargamu kerana kau tak akan jumpa cinta yang bahagia selain dari cinta keluarga. Janganlah sesekali tangan yang mengoncang dunia juga yang mengoncang iman lelaki.

Tolong sampaikan pada si dia…
Tolong beritahu si dia aku ada pesanan buatnya…
Tolong beritahu si dia, cinta agung adalah cintaNya…
Tolong beritahu si dia, cinta manusia bakal membuatnya alpa…

Tolong nasihati sia dia, jangan menyintaiku lebih dari dia menyintai Yang Maha Esa…
Tolong nasihati si dia, jangan mengingatiku lebih dari dia mengingati Yang Maha Kuasa…
Tolong nasihati si dia, jangan mendoakanku lebih dari dia mendoakan ibu bapanya…

Tolong katakan pada si dia, dahulukan Allah kerana di situ ada syurga…
Tolong katakan pada si dia, dahulukan ibu bapanya kerana di telapak itu syurganya…

Tolong ingatkan si dia. Aku terpikat kerana imannya bukan rupa…
Tolong ingatkan si dia. Aku lebih cintakan zuhudnya bukan harta…
Tolong ingatkan si dia aku kasihinya kerana santunnya…

Tolong tegur si dia, bila dia mula mengagungkan cinta manusia…
Tolong tegur si dia, bila dia tenggelam dalam angan-angannya…
Tolong tegur si dia, andai nafsu mengawal fikirannya…

Tolong sedarkan si dia. Aku milik Yang Maha Esa…
Tolong sedarkan si dia. Aku masih milik keluarga…
Tolong sedarkan si dia, tanggungjawabnya besar kepada keluarganya…

Tolong sabarkan si dia, usah ucap cinta di kala cita-cita belum terlaksana…
Tolong sabarkan si dia, andai diri ini enggan dirapati kerana menjaga batasan cinta…
Tolong sabarkan si dia, bila jarak mejadi penyebab bertambah rindunya…

Tolong pesan padanya. Aku tidak mahu menjadi fitnah besar kepadanya...
Tolong pesan padanya. Aku tak mahu menjadi punca kegagalannya…
Tolong pesan padanya aku membiarkan Yang Esa menjaga dirinya…

Tolong khabarkan pada si dia. Aku tidak mahu melekakan dia…
Tolong khabarkan pada si dia. Aku mahu dia berjaya dalam impian dan cita-citanya...
Tolong khabarkan pada si dia, jadilah penyokong dalam kejayaanku…


Tolong sampaikan pada si dia. Aku mendambakan cinta suci yang terjaga...
Tolong sampaikan pada si dia, cinta kerana Allah tidak ternilai harganya…
Tolong sampaikan pada si dia, hubungan ini terjaga selagi dia menjaga hubungan dengan Yang Maha Kuasa…
Tolong sampaikan kepada si dia kerana aku tidak mampu memberitahunya sendiri…

Hanya engkau Ya Allah mengetahui siapa si dia..

Moga pesananku sampai padanya walau aku sendiri tidak mengetahui siapa dan dimana si dia…
Moga dia bagai seekor lebah yang sentiasa memuji keagungan Yang Maha Kuasa memasuki taman larangan dengan sopan santunnya dan bertemu mawar berduri yang terjaga oleh tuannya…


Simpanlah pesanan ku ini sehingga engkau bertemu diriku suatu hari nanti…

Laugh VS Tears

Nope. It's not the SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). I just happened to go through some rough times adapting to my "newly transformed" social circle. I thought it must be the grey dark season that's causing me to become "teary". But nope.

Because today, I and my ever-so-loving bestfriend E noted that I am mildly depressed. Maybe I knew it all along, but believe me, knowing and accepting that you're depressed when you are already in a tough shitty state, is the last thing you want to acknowledge.

Symptoms are there. Just realised it myself. For one thing, the insomniac nights, waking up in the middle of the night and difficulties getting back to sleep.Then, there's that bouts of teary episodes over superficially small things. Losing appetite. Lack of interest in doing things I like doing - msn-ing, fb-ing, watching series. Inability to concentrate while doing work. Wanting to stay in bed all the time, shielding from outside world. Not wanting to be around close friends. Point of the matter is, I, Farah, hereby would like to say that I am mildly depressed.

It's funny isn't it how things have turned. Banar jua nya orang tua2 atu, ketawa2 jangan lebih2 sampai inda ingat dunia, nanti menangis jadinya. True. So true.

For the time being, I think I am just going to "try" hard to look at brighter side of everything, although the chances of that for now is nil. But then again, I will pray that I will be.

I miss my old self. So, I think I am going to be okay.

It's 2:39 am

I feel exhausted and really utterly drained from all the crying. It's like a recurrent theme lately. If it's not to do with my friends-vs-emotion dilemma, then it would be because I'm just homesick. For weeks I've been feeling restless. If I do get to sleep, chances are that I'll be awake in the middle of the night. I started sleeping in Edah's room, 2 days udah. And even so, I still can't sleep. Been making myself busy to distract myself - doing works, praying, watching series (which btw I'm running out of) and if not, ipod-ing.

I am just so tired and low mood. The only that keeps me going is Edah. I don't know what I would do if you're not here with me E. Thanks *hugs*

Re-evaluating

Playing The Mediocre Game

6 days have passed. Yet, so many little huge things happened. Stucked at home, self-banning from exposing myself in public places too much has turned me into this fun size turtle who keeps shelving into its fun-size shell. It made me realise how much I have underestimate my so-called life as a 23 year old girl. Tossing and turning on the bed, going back and forth to my fun size (which has gone back to my lap yesterday) laptops and my mac to check my fb notifications, catching up with Scoffield's genius ways to fight his freedom - those have become my daily past times, my pathetic attempt to make use of "holiday" in Brunei. It's kinda frustrating really, I realised I've forgotten how to have fun in Brunei, I've forgotten that there's so much things in life, my life, than reminiscing past histories or being sad about something that you know you could move on from or being in love, I've forgotten what I used to like to do and I've forgotten I am still young and alive. I've forgotten. And it's a shitty feeling.

I need to get a life, my life back. I desperately need to get my focus back, preoccupy myself with the things I love doing. Medicine, movies, music, hanging out with the lil brats, with my cousins and close friends, hiking and entertaining my bully brother.

And so, I will.

4 days off

Yeap, that's right. I have 4 days off, from last Friday till Monday. Basically, we don't have anything on Friday and Monday and I think it's because the lecturers are all busy with the other cohorts. Yippee~ (tapi akhir, coz now it's Monday, the last day..ahakz).


So Friday I went to the City with Syuk and Edah, as planned. We've been planning on this lama udah because


1) I need to get my debit card pin code



2) I need to go to Argos to get a clothing rail and storage blanket bags for my clothes (which are still in my pink luggage :S ) - which i failed to do because we're too busy hunting winter clothes.



3) I need to get a winter jacket/coat - which i did from Dorothy Perkins (nanti ill upload the pics) and clothes - which i bought from Primark.

My Saturday was mostly filled with chatting online with family, especially nanah and her dearest kids :D We wanted to go to Botanic Garden (5 mins walk from our flat) but it was raining..bummer.

Sunday was just like any sunday in Glasgow to me. Me and Edah finally did go to the garden but halfway exploring the garden, hujan tia lagi...bida2. So went back home, and as usual online-ing till it was time to cook for sungkai. Bye bye Sunday~~~

Monday - no plans yet but it would involve studying for our PBL definitely. Abis tiaa cuti ku... :(

Owh ya, one more thing. Pictures of my "Early" Life in Glasgow.

1) Album 1: The Flat (Before Pics)
2) Album 2: Walking to Uni
3) Album 3: Homemade Sungkai
4) Album 4: My Room (After Pics)
5) Album 5: Friday Shopping


More pictures to be uploaded. Owh did I tell you..our flat ada cucul udah :D

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

Maaf Zahir & Batin

I'm finally here...

Hey peeps. I'm back again. Yeaaa!!! I have broadband in my flat! At last. So many things to share, yet so little time. I'll try to post up as much as I can, but no promises. I'm still having problem balancing my time chatting, facebooking, uploading pictures on facebook and surfing while I'm online..haha. So, be patient and hang on ya. Ada tu nanti pictures, insyaallah.

Till next time,

Selamat Berpuasa and Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri.

Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

Special Edition: My 1st Home-made Dessert

A POST LONG OVERDUE

Ahaks. Khal is so gonna kill me for posting another pictures of food. Sorry babe. Aku luan excited banar dah kn creta. LOL.

As stated, yeap, I made my very own first dessert! It's actually my aunty's menu named Cocktail Jelly plang but since I made this one, I wanna call it Cocktail Raspberry Jelly Dessert. Awu panjang but just wanna stimulate your brain so you'll imagine how it would look and taste like *wicked grin*

Model ganteng gue~

Special Edition: 1st Sungkai @ home

AGENDA

Happy Agenda #1 

Ahaks. Today...just like my birthday, is a special day for me :D (grinning widely like a cute grinning idiot). Definitely want to post about it, but I know it will definitely caught everyone's attention if I do. So, ill keep shhhh about it first until the time is right ;D

Happy Agenda #2

I can cook!!! Ahaks. Mum gave a crash course in cooking lessons. When I say "crash course" - banar-banar crash pacah course nya. LOL. Wanna know why? Ok, so since the fasting month started, we haven't had our sungkai at home yet because the hassles of preparing the food and cooking and washing the dishes. Me family have always have our sungkai outside anyway. But today, we decided to sungkai at home as everyone's tired to dress up to go out. Usually around noon when mum comes back from school, the norm is me "assisting" mum doing laundry. My mum decided to kill 2 birds with one stone - doing the laundry and cooking at the same time. 

1st Menu - Curry Chicken
So there I was in the kitchen, learning the first menu, my mum famous curry chicken. I helped with the stirring with mum by my side giving me quick points here and there while she prepared the ingredients.

2nd Menu- Mee Goreng

This time, I was instructed to prepare the ingredients myself- cutting the onions, garlic and the veg. I survived. Owh just so you know, we're still doing the laundry. This involves me checking on the clothes and hanging them dry while waiting for the noodles. I am so happy when mum asked me to cook (or fry is it?) the noodle - my definition of cooking btw involves me preparing the stuffs, putting them into the frying pan/belanga/whatever it is, stirring it until cooked. So I COOKED / FRY THE NOODLE!!! Ada plang mama tolong masuk kan garam itu ini :P

3rd Menu- The Vegetable, "Sawi Tumis" (Mama, 2008)

Duhhh! If I cook/fry the noodle, I made this one too!!! :D Of course, mama masih ada by my side, to supervise me (chewah). Owh ya, by this time, abis dah laundry :D. 

CONCLUSION

So, today, I realised that I CAN COOK! Another thing I learn other than cooking today's menu is that it is EXTREMELY LONG and TIRING. Now I understand why mum ngalih. I "feel" her. I really do. Sorry, I didn't get to take pictures of me cooking - was so caught up with the excitement of acknowledging my ability to cook and the laundry business. Plus, I was hideous that time.

Mmbah, atu ja dulu aaaah....

Special Edition

2nd September 2008

I'm blessed that my birthday falls on the very 1st day of Ramadhan. What a great fantastic day to start fasting and to celebrate my 23rd birthday. I am truly blessed. Syukur Alhamdullilah.

Before I begin, I'd just like to say Selamat Menunaikan Ibadah Puasa to all of my Muslims families and friends. Semoga amalan ibadah puasa kita diberkati oleh Allah. Have a smashing wonderful effective Ramadhan~

Alright, since I'm the birthday girl, i've decided to post something "extra special" this entire week just to treat and pamper myself good :D

BIRTHDAY GIFTS!!!!

My very 1st Bday gifts from Shaz and Abang

The purple bear is actually a congratulatory gift from Ka-Watie, Aiman and Fauzan.

This is my birthday scrap made by my cuzzie Khal.

Lovely~~~

Thanks babe :D

I would also like to thank everyone for all the birthday greetings and for making my 23rd birthday a memorable one.

SUPER DUPER MILLION THANKS!!!

Turning 23

Today, I turned 23.

Twenty-three.

23.

Busy days...

I haven't been photoshopping and scrapping for a while. Suddenly, my "so-free" holidays are preoccupied with works, briefings, functions and other commitments.

Saturday (09 Aug)

Afternoon: Contract Signing with MOE

Sunday (10 Aug)

Morning - Afternoon : Hunting / Shopping for stuffs

Monday (11 Aug)

Morning: Pre-departure briefings

Noon: Fetch mom from school

Afternoon: Sending off Nadzir at the airport

Evening: Makan hari 7

Tuesday (12 Aug)

Afternoon: Pre-departure briefing

Wednesday (13 Aug)

Afternoon: Feedback Sessions with Dr.Mas and Dr.Lis @ UBD

Afternoon: Trying out graduation robes

Thursday (14 Aug)

Morning: Pre-departure briefing

Afternoon: Pre-departure briefing

Night: Functions at Granny's house

Friday (15 Aug)

Morning: Hunting and shopping for stuffs

Saturday (16 Aug)

Morning: Pre-departure briefing

Afternoon: Preparing for Graduation dinner

Night: IM Graduation Dinner

Sunday (17 Aug)

Afternoon: BBQ

Wawawa...more busy weeks to come :'(

So Far ...

Scholarship stuff so far...

I collected this NEW passport last Sat. It looks so high-tech and cool that I have to put this on the blog. Haha, geeky indeed. But I was disappointed though that the number's changed! And because of this, I need to change everything that I've done so far to settle the scholarship stuffs including re-new financial guarantee and Cert.of Good Conduct and inform the bank. And because of this new passport, I have to wait and delay my VISA application as well. What a bummer.

Owh I should have posted this way way back when I have it (just for fun of course =P). It's my Xray, which was taken for the medical fitness. Owh and its normal too :D

Life so far...

I have a new portable laptop table thingy (I don't know what it's called). But its super cool because now I can geek with my laptop on my bed comfortably! kekeke :P. Geekily wicked~~~

This is a view of Bunut street at 1am.I took this while I was driving (PLEASE DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME) back home from watching movie. I'm soo gonna miss this - the cucul, the street, driving and everything. I was watching back-to-back movie with yoshie yosh - liat Kuntilanak 3 (with bro, Martha and Shaz) and Dark Knight (for the second time-ahaa, I SOOOO LOVE HEATH LEDGER~~~). Anyway, it was really fun la. Actually it was quite funny, early on we didn't plan to watch the movie with the 3 stooges (kekeke), they saw me at Mall hoping that they could "skodeng" or catch me if I am on a date (Aha! Yea right!). LOL. Cute. Anywho, yea, fun fun fun night.

IM Family so far...

Last Sat night, we organised a farewell dinner at Charcoal for Nadzir who is leaving off to Canada this coming Sunday. Everyone of Cohort 1 came except Sonia and Nellie. Some IM staffs attended the dinner as well - Dr.Mas, Dr.Nurol, Dr.Khairul Anuar, Prof.Mohd, Mariah and Kenny (of course). Permaisuri Matun, Ah Thik, Ben and Chia Wei were there too. Anyway, it was a GREAT gathering, we prepared Nadzir a scrapbook souvenir and it was super-duper cool.

So far...

I'm pretty much enjoying my life, my holiday and my remaining days here before the big day :D